For me, Do You Realize?? is about the ephemeral beauty of life — being part of this unfathomably strange, unbelievably gorgeous, and heartbreakingly tragic universe, loving it for exactly what it is, and sharing that love with everyone and everything around me. It reminds me that anything that ever lived, even for a moment, can never truly die. My heart overflowed with joy when I heard it live with the people I love most in this world.

– Pequod Kardia

Make the good things count

Do you realize…… That everyone you know some day will die?

I do. Intimately. I meet people every day in my work that are in the final phase of their earthly life. They are coming into hospice care due to a terminal illness and have made the decision to allow the natural process of dying instead of continuing life prolonging interventions.

Although I have been doing this work for more than a decade, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized just how unique my place in this process was. Before the realization, I went through my days assessing these patients, putting in interventions to ensure their comfort both mentally and physically. I knew I was built for this work, but I hadn’t quite taken in what that meant. I remember the specific moment of the realization. I was in the home of a patient, sitting on their couch in a room full of family members all there because of their dedication to the patient. We were discussing what it means to come into hospice care, the specifics of giving up aggressive cancer treatments and focusing instead on managing the debilitating symptoms of advanced cancer, tears flowing all around the room. This patient had fought this nasty disease long and hard.

As many of the people I meet are, they were tired. Tired of appointments, tired of blood draws, tired of scans, tired of taking treatments to “hopefully” heal them but ultimately make them feel exponentially worse, tired of putting on a brave face and persona for the family in the room. Without them saying anything out loud, I could tell that they were grateful that I was leading this very tough conversation and giving them the option to stop fighting. Giving them silent permission to stop masking their true desire to let go and instead let nature run its course. It was in this moment, talking with this very sick patient, that I realized the next time I interacted with them, it was likely to be attending their death. But here in this moment, in this conversation, the “life force” that is within us all was still present and brilliant no matter how battered it may have been. It was at that moment that I realized what a gift it is to see humans in this incredibly sacred time.

Since, I have honored the gift I am given to be with these people and families every day. I have been privileged to see these humans in a way that no one else ever has and ever will.

This week, in fact, I had a visit with a patient that busted my heart wide open. This was only the second time I met this person. We talked about all things spiritual and their excitement to see so many on the other side. They showed me their fears, and they showed me the miracles they have received, all while being days from death. It was just me and this person in a room, discussing how incredibly vast the energy that animates us all really is. Both of us acknowledging that it was bigger than we could ever have words for.

At one point they said, “Do you realize one minute you’re mowing the lawn and the next you’re signing up for hospice?” Tears welling in my eyes, hearing the lyrics of one of my favorite songs from my favorite band integrated into my life’s work, I said “Yes, I do.”

And then I thanked them for the connection we just made because these are the interactions that I live for. Explaining that the vulnerability in this kind of connection keeps me showing up not only in my work but in my own life too. As I was exiting the visit, they said to me, “I can’t wait to see you again.”  We both understood they meant in the next plane. I hope with all my being that there is a crowd of folks awaiting my arrival there but not before I savor every moment I am gifted with here first.

It’s hard for us all to stay in the realization that life goes fast every day but as your hospice nurse I urge you to strive for this.

Make the good things last. Let the shit things go.

Don’t give energy and time to anyone that doesn’t value it as a gift.

Focus on the ones who fill your cup. Spend every rotation on this big old rock present and seeking your purpose.

Buy The Flaming Lips tickets. Take the trip. Love freely and often.

— Jeana W.